#writerstruggles

Can’t I have my cake and eat it too?

I am typing this with tired eyes as my husband sleeps and I try to fight my own. I want this dream but how do I fit it into my already busy life?

One kid ago, I use to wake up at FIVE in the morning, go the gym, come back home, pack lunches, feed a baby, drop the then eight year old and one year old off at the sitters, go work a full time job, pick children up, cook dinner, clean the kitchen, do homework, spend time with my husband, tuck kids in and more.

Today I am a stay at home mom of three. Just one more kid and most days we are hanging by a very thin thread here. I swear I work harder at home then when I use to work. Between the early mornings and these now later nights I just can’t find the damn time.

I WANT IT ALL!

I want to wake up early, refreshed and ready for the day before coffee, weigh less than I did the day before, not argue with children about meal options because DAMMIT THERE ARE NO OPTIONS! I want to have patience when trying to get to school on time. I want to come home to an already clean house so I can spend the day playing with my toddler and cook a healthy meal that ends up in children’s bellies and not the floor. Not argue with tween about chores she’s had for five years! Spend time with my husband, remember to call my parents, and when all that is done and the house is sound asleep I can let Des A. Scott out of her dark corner in my head and we can spend the night writing.

In a perfect world that would be my schedule but the reality is that I dream of days I when I could sleep in. I can’t function without two cups of coffee in me. I have no patience. The two-year-old’s hobbies consist of arguing with me and fighting with her older siblings, so I spend most of my day breaking up fights. I forget about the clothes in the washing machine and then have to rewash them because now they smell. I do remember to put them in the dryer but then forget about them in there. Probably needed to restart the dryer so the clothes are still damp and now we have no clean or dry clothes.

It feels like all I have time for is cooking a meal that fifty percent of just ends up on the floor and then cleaning that meal.

I wish I had more time in the day to be mom, wife, and writer. I feel guilty to take time away from them for this dream. I have to remember this story has no time limit and my children will only be children for a little longer.

This isn’t a race. It’s not about how fast we get there, just that we got there.

So we will have our cake, we’ll just be eating very slowly 

and enjoying every last bite.

6 thoughts on “Can’t I have my cake and eat it too?”

  1. Thank you for writing this post. I’m not a stay at home mom. I work outside the home, but I never feel like there are enough hours in the day. I want to get up early and refreshed so I can exercise and write, but that rarely works out since my daughter has decided she’s a morning person. I want to do things at night, but I’m always exhausted and I only have one kid. I’m a single mom so I can’t imagine how overwhelming having more kids would feel. You’re doing a great job even if you have to do the laundry twice. 🙂 Keep working towards your dreams even if it is a slow process.

    Like

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