#writerstruggles

Can’t I have my cake and eat it too?

I am typing this with tired eyes as my husband sleeps and I try to fight my own. I want this dream but how do I fit it into my already busy life?

One kid ago, I use to wake up at FIVE in the morning, go the gym, come back home, pack lunches, feed a baby, drop the then eight year old and one year old off at the sitters, go work a full time job, pick children up, cook dinner, clean the kitchen, do homework, spend time with my husband, tuck kids in and more.

Today I am a stay at home mom of three. Just one more kid and most days we are hanging by a very thin thread here. I swear I work harder at home then when I use to work. Between the early mornings and these now later nights I just can’t find the damn time.

I WANT IT ALL!

I want to wake up early, refreshed and ready for the day before coffee, weigh less than I did the day before, not argue with children about meal options because DAMMIT THERE ARE NO OPTIONS! I want to have patience when trying to get to school on time. I want to come home to an already clean house so I can spend the day playing with my toddler and cook a healthy meal that ends up in children’s bellies and not the floor. Not argue with tween about chores she’s had for five years! Spend time with my husband, remember to call my parents, and when all that is done and the house is sound asleep I can let Des A. Scott out of her dark corner in my head and we can spend the night writing.

In a perfect world that would be my schedule but the reality is that I dream of days I when I could sleep in. I can’t function without two cups of coffee in me. I have no patience. The two-year-old’s hobbies consist of arguing with me and fighting with her older siblings, so I spend most of my day breaking up fights. I forget about the clothes in the washing machine and then have to rewash them because now they smell. I do remember to put them in the dryer but then forget about them in there. Probably needed to restart the dryer so the clothes are still damp and now we have no clean or dry clothes.

It feels like all I have time for is cooking a meal that fifty percent of just ends up on the floor and then cleaning that meal.

I wish I had more time in the day to be mom, wife, and writer. I feel guilty to take time away from them for this dream. I have to remember this story has no time limit and my children will only be children for a little longer.

This isn’t a race. It’s not about how fast we get there, just that we got there.

So we will have our cake, we’ll just be eating very slowly 

and enjoying every last bite.

Uncategorized

The power of #’s

I posted a screenshot of the blog and tossed a couple of #’s in there, really not thinking about what would happen. I have literally spent the morning in my pajama’s, neglecting my kids and letting them raid the pantry while I wrote and reread the blog for the hundredth time and just when I’m about to shut the laptop, I refresh the page and damn near lose my mind!

1 view to 6 to 10 to 28 mother effing views!

Within five minutes of posting the blog on instagram, the blog got five views. In fifteen minutes ten and at twelve I had to shut the laptop and do something with myself because I was literally hyperventilating!

And in case you were wondering because I did mention the kids. Two out of the three couldn’t care less at what mom was freaking out about. It could have been a burglar or our biggest fear in this house a SPIDER and their eyes would not have shifted from the TV screen. The little one, of course, did find it entertaining and screamed and danced along with me.

But holy crap! I lost my mind at the thought of people reading my words! People I do not know and can’t stop and ask what they thought about what I had to say.

Clearly, I didn’t think this blog site through. What is the purpose of a blog if not to reach an unknown audience.

So after messaging my husband a strand of exclamation points and “freaking out” gifs , I call my sister in law and she succeeds in talking my heart out of cardiac arrest. I know your reading so, good job girl.

I underestimated the power of instagram. Thank you to anyone who is reading this. If you followed the instagram post, thank you for going out of your way and instead of just scrolling past it clicking and clicking until you ended up here. You gave a girl hope. I AM REALLY DOING THIS! ❤

Uncategorized, What am I writing you ask?

We’ve got chapters!

I’m on chapter THREE! I can’t stop smiling at the fact that I have written two whole chapters. Not very long ones but I am loving the flow of this story so far. Like three little milestones getting me closer and closer to completion and then the fun part. EDITING! Typing each number large, bold and underlined was almost as satisfying as my second cup of coffee this morning.

So here is an unedited snippet of of Chapter 1! I’m going to be 100% honest here, my brain is yelling at me to not post this but I am going to ignore the voice in my head.

DARE TO DO THE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU

In the Dark

Uncategorized

Author in progress

“A very small percentage of people will never follow through with writing and publishing a book. You are part of an elite group and should be proud of that accomplishment. Shout it from the rooftops!”
                                                       | When Should You Start Calling Yourself an Author?  

I’m sitting here, staring at my laptop trying to think of clever usernames for a new email address for any future writer type correspondences when I ask myself, is an author in progress currently an author? The book is nowhere near ready but dammit I will be finishing it and I will be publishing it. So do I call myself an author once all the hard work has been done? Like the millennial I am I resort to the one I can always count on to answer any and all my questions in a judgment-free zone.

Google oh Google what would I be without my Google. 

So I type into google “can I call myself an author?”  And BAM she responded with her all-knowing wisdom and said to me I should be embracing it! So why have I not been embracing it and referring to myself from here on out as only Author Des A Scott? Doubt.That quiet and nagging self-doubt that no matter how hard I talk myself up never really leaves completely. 

“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”
William Shakespeare

I came across this William Shakespeare quote after typing next into google ” how to overcome self-doubt”. Did you read those words he said? Read them again, if you have ever doubted yourself in absolutely anything, I mean ANYTHING at all. Even if it was just doubting a new recipe or trying a new look or if you’re in the same boat as me and doubting a career choice, read it slowly and let the words sink in.

Our doubts are traitors

I truly do believe that everything happens for a reason in our lives. It’s like asking for a sign from God whether or not to carry on and he responds with an arrow in the sky pointing you in the right direction. 

I am trying every day to push this doubt aside and win this internal battle I have with myself. I am trying every single day to push myself to write something, anything that will get me closer to this dream. Even if it’s only to say that I tried, at least in the attempt I would have won the battle because even an author in progress is still an author.

P.S NEW INSTAGRAM. Follow me on this journey @des_a_scott